Who Do You Want to Be With?

It's a multi-faceted question and one that is increasingly harder to answer for my generation. Especially once you start seeing other people having two kids, three… And you're out there spending 60 hours a week in front of the screen, on the unstoppable train to your 30-th year.

Some friends don't really think about it that much. They say that you should enjoy life, that now is the time for this. Go drinking, go clubbing, get on dating apps, get shit-faced, buy clothes, buy cars. And yeah, that's fun… until you wake up the next day and you realize you're living the exact same life. Those things are exciting, but lack substance and long-term meaning. A way to "pass the time." That same invaluable time that everyone thinks they have an infinite supply of.

Has there ever been a single person who has moved past 40 saying to themselves "whoa, that took so long, I really wish I had gotten here quicker"? Yet the majority of people live this way. You "live in the moment" and put off stuff for later. Exactly the same way you get up in the morning — with an alarm that laboriously tries to wake you up, only to get ruthlessly silenced every 5 minutes for the next 3 hours. You don't realize when it has already become 12 P.M. and you don't realize when you have already become 40 Y.O. Half the day gone. Half the days gone.

I try to stay away from "common sense" and "popular belief" because the people who sense are uncommon and the people who believe are not popular. If you do what everyone does, you're gonna become what everyone is. And most people want to be something else. But by the time they realize it, they have already ran out of time! Or they think they have. Or they don't know what that "something else" is.

So, who do you want to be with? In romantic terms, that's a question you're gonna have to ask yourselves later. There's a another question you should answer first: who do you want to be with? When you look in the mirror, who is it that you see? You're gonna be with that person all your life. Do you like him? Do you like spending time with him? Have you spent time with him? That person is with you when you go to sleep and while you sleep. While you dream and daydream, while you walk down the street, while you shower, while you take a shit…

I think that for many of us, that person is more of a stranger than some actual strangers are. We constantly spend time thinking about the next thing — work, meeting friends and family, dinner, vacations. Even in our leisure time we play games, watch movies, read useless shit on the internet, scroll even more useless shit on social media… and post some ourselves… Even when we commute, we listen to music, podcasts, audiobooks, make phone calls, send DMs, we're being p r o d u c t i v e. We spend time with everyone except the voice in our head. Like a holiday where everyone's on their phones - all there together, but not really.

By spending time with yourself — curiously asking and answering questions — you start to find out where you are and why you're there, where you're not and why you're not there, where you'd like to be and who you'd like to be with, how to get there and how you most definitely won't. If only you would open yourself to your own self and explore… That's why the ancient Greek philosophers were so wise. They didn't have TikTok and thought deep about shit all day instead.

When I'm with that guy in the mirror, I want to be with someone why constantly questions the way things are, especially the way I am. Someone who'd shake me by the shoulders, tell me I'm a moron, and call out my bullshit. But also someone who'd then list 5 ways I could improve, draw me a map, mark the "X", and dot the path to it from where I'm standing right here now. Someone who'd listen and empathize. Someone who'd think and feel deep. You know… like a true friend? Except a friend who's with you when you're alone and even while you wipe your ass.

So to figure out who you want to be with, you first have to get to know the person you're already with. Instead of dancing to music while you cook, cook with him. Instead of listening to audiobooks while you go to work, go to work with him. Walk around the city with him, stop at a nice restaurant and have lunch with him… then ask him "who do you want to be… with?"